If you’re a single guy looking to blast past the friend zone, get more comfortable talking to women or, perhaps, wondering what to wear on your next date, you’re going to want to tune in.
Justin Stenstrom, founder of EliteManMagazine.com, the host of the Elite Man Podcast in iTunes, and the author of the hit dating advice book for men Giving Shy Guys Game is with us.
1 – Jewish Mother Would Be Perfect For President
2 – What Is An Elite Man; Dealing With Anxiety and Panic Attacks
3 – Scared Shitless On Roller Coasters; Steve Becomes An Elite Man
4 – Giving Shy Guys Game; Elite Man Magazine
Steve: We are going to Reinvent the Elite Man. Lord knows that if any man needs to be reinvented in this room.
Mary: It would be you.
Steve: It’s Rich. [Laugh] This one’s just for you, Rich.
[Recap of last episode]
Mary: So, we’re on BLAB. It’s on Mr. Bold One.
Steve: Yeah, well, Mr. Bold. So, that’s a whole different story. So, we’re on BLAB. So, we’re trying out all this fun technology stuff. We definitely believe in new technology here, and thanks to the man himself, Rich Otey, we’re getting there, slowly but surely. So, we are on BLAB. We actually – last week I’m happy to say that we had the first live radio show ever broadcast live on BLAB, so that was pretty cool. And if we weren’t we at least said we were. So, there you have it. So, I believe that we were. And so check us out on BLAB and we’re also going to be doing of course lots of fun stuff over the weeks here so make sure that you pay close attention as we move in through the holiday season, ‘cause lots of good stuff going on. Now, Mary.
Steve: Have you been following… I know we talk about politics. I mean, we’re in the political sort of arena now. Have you been following anything on the political front at all? A little bit, here or there, anything…
Mary: Here and there. Well, when I’m driving I listen and I hear certain things about Ben Carson…
Steve: Yeah, so in the last episode we were talking about NWA and sort of Black Lives Matter and that whole thing. That was enlightening, so if you missed that conversation, check that out. But speaking of black people, Ben Carson, right? I mean, just great guy, really interesting story, and for those who are just tuning in for the first time I love black people. My best friend is black. So, don’t send in the hate mail, don’t do any of that fun stuff. You were looking at me quizzically.
Mary: You’re so funny.
Steve: I am very funny. But Ben Carson got himself into a whole bunch of trouble. I don’t know if you saw this. Maybe not trouble, but there was a conversation around this because as you know he’s a retired Neurosurgeon doing whatever he’s trying to do here on the Republican ticket…
Mary: Very smart.
Steve: Very smart. But a couple of weeks ago or a few weeks ago he said, “I would not advocate that we put a Muslim in charge of this nation.” I would absolutely not agree with that. Pretty interesting.
Mary: Okay. I read your post.
Steve: Right, exactly. So, I mean, to a lot of people he was basically just voicing what they were thinking, right? I mean, there’s a lot of people out there who were thinking the same things and, of course, others were outraged and you might guess who those people were…
Mary: Yeah, but we’re still a little stung.
Steve: You know, it stirred an interesting debate, right?
Steve: And so they ended up doing a whole bunch of pulling and Rasmussen Reports went to the streets and they found out that more than half of likely U.S. voters, 51% to be exact, said that they would not be willing to vote for a Muslim president. Now, interesting, right? And this got me thinking. So, first and foremost, how honest are people really going to be, when they’re asked such a poignant question? Because, think about it. Those who have openly badmouthed the Muslim culture in the past, I mean they haven’t exactly faired too well. [Laugh]
Steve: I mean, we’re talking like death threats, we’re talking like actual death, like ostracizing, etc. So, anonymous or not, the folks who are asked this question they might just be a little bit reticent to answer it honestly. So…
Mary: Was it over the phone they were asked?
Steve: I don’t know. That would have been a good…
Mary: Because if they feel somewhat anonymous, which they pretty much are, they’re not taking your name…
Steve: That’s why I don’t really trust all that voting kind of stuff, like who are you going to vote for. Because you’re going to say something when somebody’s in front of you, but when you get into that little closed boothy thingy and nobody’s watching, you could punch whatever ticket you want. So, I’d never vote for Trump, that guy’s an ass… Trump, Trump, Trump. [Laughter] So, I mean, look, and I’m sure that happens all the time. But the second thing it got me thinking of is how likely would U.S. voters be to put a Jew in charge of the free world? And, so, again, before the hate mail starts coming in here, I am a Jew. I am a Jew who has lots of black friends. By the way, I think Jews and blacks kind of go back. I was actually wanting to do a radio show before that I was going to Black and Jew Radio, sort of like Black and Blue Radio, but Black and Jew Radio.
Mary: That’s funny.
Steve: But I couldn’t get a f*cking cohost to go on with me.
Steve: Imagine that. I don’t… Because have you heard my show? [Laugh]
Steve: So, here’s what I think. And, of course, no one would ever say yes I’d vote for a Jew, no I wouldn’t because of course they’re not going to tell you the truth. But what I believe at least… Here’s what I know. I have a Jewish mother, as you can imagine because I am Jewish, and I think that a Jewish mother would make for an ideal President of the United States. Do you want to know why?
Mary: I read your article.
Steve: You ready my article.
Mary: I laughed. It was funny.
Steve: And for those who haven’t read it. Rich, did you read it? Rich didn’t read it. Rich is busy on our technology side of the equation.
Mary: Where did you post it? How did I find it?
Steve: Either on Facebook on my blog, which by the way if you’re not familiar with my writings and musings which just in case you have extra time on your hands and you really have nothing else to do you can go to SteveOlsher.com and check out some of those musings there on my blog. But here’s why I think a Jewish mother would make for a great President. #1, Jews are good with money.
Steve: It’s true. We can’t deny it. We are. And what I said was basically we’re earners and we’re savers by nature because it might have something to do with the fact that we still live in fear that like some dickhead is going to convince everyone that our people are the devil and we should be all eliminated from the face of the planet once again, so therefore we stash our dough. So just in case we need to run for cover, we have our dough, we’re good with money. So, basically if a Jewish mother was President she’d have the budget balanced, right? Like, in no time.
Mary: Yes. You convinced me by the end – I’m like, yup.
Steve: By the end of the article you were like I’m doing it. So, I mean – think about it every check written. There’s no rubber stamp in here. Like, she would spend her time looking at every single check and if every check written, I mean it would be thoroughly scrutinized and if every expenditure didn’t meet her sort of – her parameters and provide a meaningful ROI, I guarantee it would be immediately nixed. She’d veto that check, she’d tear it up and throw it out.
Mary: This is a vast generalization, but male Jews and female Jews are equally prudent with their finances?
Steve: I don’t know about that. Yeah, you’ve got to leave things to the ladies. Ladies just make the world better, first and foremost.
Mary: We certainly do.
Steve: You definitely make the world better. And a Jewish mother definitely should be President. Here’s a second reason why. Jewish Moms are Ninja-like operatives. Really. They are Ninja-like operatives. They have this special skill to insure that the outcome that they want is secured. So, how else can you explain for like generations that our people have had to endure eating the slimy goo. Have you ever seen that?
Mary: I know.
Steve: You know what the slimy goo is that I’m talking about? Gefilte fish, right? Exactly. And we have to pretend that we actually like it. So, we’re forced to smile. We provide those uplifting affirmations from Mom like, “Oh, geez, Mom, this might be your best Gefilte fish yet,” and “can I please have seconds?”
Mary: What is that?
Steve: It’s a pile of goo, like for real.
Mary: That is a fish?
Steve: It’s something that I think is alive at one point. I don’t know if it ever inhabited this earth like in any sort of meaningful way.
Mary: Where do you buy it?
Steve: You buy it – and it comes in a jar. Any fish that comes in a jar or if you make it homemade…
Mary: You actually eat it still?
Steve: Well, yes, because over time basically our taste buds get tortured over enough years and so now we actually do enjoy it, albeit with about a ton of horseradish because that’s going to disguise what’s underneath.
Mary: That sounds so gross.
Steve: It is. But here’s the translation. She won’t stand for any mishegas, which is Yiddish for insanity or craziness. So, basically, get out of line on Bubbe’s watch, which is Yiddish for Grandma, and shit’s going to hit the fan.
Mary: There you go.
Steve: Second reason. Third reason: integrity, honesty, and really upholding one’s word will finally be instilled into the political arena. You know why?
Mary: Uh uh [No]
Steve: I’ll tell you. Because Jewish mothers, they possess one of the most insidious, most diabolical, most fear-inducing traits of any species that inhabits the plant.
Mary: And that would be?
Steve: That would be Jewish guilt.
Mary: Oh, geez. I thought Catholic guilt was pretty high up.
Steve: Oh my God. Jewish guilt and Catholic guilt, they’re probably pretty comparable, but really there is nothing more bone chilling than disappointing a Jewish mother. If you’ve ever experienced this phenomenon then I need not utter another word. So, forget about hurricanes or tornados or earthquakes or fires, the most powerful force of nature on this planet is the guilt of a Jewish mother. So, basically, here’s the translation. Politicians the nation over they will: honor their commitments, they’re going to walk their talk and they’re going to bring to fruition the initiatives that they put forth. So, because if they don’t, God help them. Right? And so, look. The reality is that we can argue about this, about why a Jewish mother would make for a great President and I think she would actually get some points, especially if she had like that thing that they wear on their heads, that little thing… I am what you call a bad Jew. I am a bad Jew. Literally, I think the last time I was in Synagogue was when somebody died and I think that was my stepfather. So, if you have like a poster and you draw a person of what a bad Jew looks like…
Mary: Your face.
Steve: …that’s me. That’s me right there. But, let’s be real. We can just kind of play this little guessing game and just the whole…
Mary: Is Bernie Sanders Jewish?
Steve: Bernie Sanders is not Jewish, but you would think he is. By the way, if you haven’t seen the Saturday Night Live skit – you watched Saturday Night Live at least once in your life? Jesus. So, Rich, the next time you’re watching Saturday Night Live, when you’re online, look up Larry David playing Bernie Sanders. Larry David did Curb Your Enthusiasm, he’s like this… He’s great! His impression of Bernie Sanders is…
Mary: Spot on.
Steve: …spot on. But all of this guessing and what not, we all know what’s going to happen here in November or whenever that next election is is basically another white male is going to going to be elected. We could talk about this all day long, but we know what the truth is. So, it’s either going to be Trump or one of those other guys.
Mary: You’ve heard it from Steve first.
Steve: It’s going to be a white guy, no doubt about it.
Steve: Welcome back to Reinvention Radio with your host Steve Olsher and the beautiful round eyebrowed Mary Goulet. Did I get it? Yes.
Mary: Boy you were hesitant.
Steve: It only took me three months, but I finally got it. What is that? That’s Reinventing Faces was that episode, right?
Mary: Yeah, that was cool. And then what was the – The Names was cool too.
Steve: Reinventing Names was awesome! And by the way, if you don’t listen… Oh, my God…
Mary: You have to listen to the last segment.
Steve: At least the last segment of Reinventing Names. That is just radio classic history right there. For those of you who are joining us on the Podcast, thank you very much for listening. And for those who have rated and reviewed the Podcast, thank you very much. And for those who haven’t – what the hell are you waiting for? Rate and review and subscribe, please, when you can, and if you have any comments about any past shows or questions for us, your lovely hosts, you can hit 1-8-4-4-MRBOLD1. That’s 1-8-4-4-MRBOLD1 and we will address those on the air. And speaking about on the air, we actually have a very interesting guest with us, and I’ve been looking forward for this for the whole week now because when Kelly told me about Justin coming on the show, I was like, “Holy Mother of God, this is like…” If there was a show that was made for me, this is it right now.
Mary: Why do you say that?
Steve: Well, let’s find out. So, we’ve got Justin Stenstrom is how you pronounce your last name, correct?
Justin: Yeah, that’s right, Steve.
Steve: Hey, my man, how you doing?
Justin: Good, Steve, how you doing?
Steve: Alright, alright. So, did you have to endure that first segment?
Justin: Yeah. I caught the end of it. It was pretty interesting.
Mary: That’s what we are.
Steve: Let me apologize in advance for what’s going to happen here over the next 45 minutes, but for those who don’t know you, Justin, kind of give us a little back story about who you are, what you’re doing, and why you decided to join us on Reinvention Radio.
Justin: Yeah, Steve, I love what you guys do over here on Reinvention Radio. It’s one of my favorite podcasts. I’m a podcast guy now. I have a show called Elite Man Podcast. Those are new all kinds of cool, different podcasts. We actually had my friend Jordan Harbinger on your show a little while ago. I listened to his episodes. Really good. Obviously, he’s killing it. He has one of the best podcasts in the world. But, yeah, I love what you guys do over there. It’s crazy. You talk about all sorts of great topics and stuff. So, yeah, I wanted to come on. But what I do is I have a site, Elitemanmagazine.com. I’m a Life Coach, Author, Speaker, etc., Podcast Host… What we do on Elite Man Magazine is we cover all sorts of topics, like business, entrepreneurship, dating, social skills, just a good eclectic mix of things. And we just try to give guys the best advice possible for these different things. I got into this whole thing just from self-help and changing my life over time because I’ve had incredibly bad anxiety, depression, I was 17-18 years old, I had no social life, no friends, no dating life… And just slowly after years of getting over some of these things I wanted to kind of give back and help other people. So, that’s how I kind of came up with the whole concept.
Steve: Gotcha. How old are you now for those that are wondering, because I know that I’m wondering?
Mary: Oh, my gosh! I was going to ask the same question.
Steve: Well, you know what? A lot of things change between 18 and 24.
Mary: What’s with these guys 18 to 28?
Steve: First of all, you get pubic hair. That’s like one of the most important things…
Steve: So, of course I’m being just a little bit…
Steve: Hey, I was a late bloomer. Okay?
Steve: Around 20 is when everything started happening for me. But for Justin obviously it happened a lot earlier because clearly by 24 he’s an elite man. I love that concept. What exactly is an elite man by the way?
Mary: The most interesting man in the world, right?
Justin: Yeah, exactly. [Laugh] No. An elite man is pretty much someone who’s not afraid to go after what they want in life. So, even if it’s say dating or business or social mastery, whatever it is, it’s just someone who takes the chances, takes the risk, and goes out of their comfort zone to become their best possible selves. No matter what avenue it is, no matter what aspect it is, an elite man is just the guy who goes after what he wants and isn’t afraid to really go after and pursue his dreams.
Mary: So, what is your demographic?
Justin: It’s 18 to 35 year olds – 32 year olds probably, and self-minded, self-help minded people who want to improve themselves. Obviously, men.
Steve: And take us back through, because if you’ve listened to the podcast on occasion I’ll tell you I’m pretty frank about most things. Wouldn’t you say, Mary, I’m pretty open about…
Steve: Actually my fly is open right now… Sorry, that’s too much information.
Mary: Oh, just stop it!
Steve: But here’s what I experienced a couple of years ago and I think I experienced some of this my whole life, but I hit rock bottom in November 2013, like suicide-watch, the whole nine. It was depression, anxiety, all that fun stuff. And I was able to come out of the hole, but take us back then, Justin, through some of the… Because when people are in that space… I mean, I know what I did to get out and frankly it wasn’t pretty when I was in it and you just can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel there. How bad did things get for you and what brought you out of that funk? Because I think that we all have to go through some of those trials and tribulations in order to be a better person, in this case obviously has made you a better man. But kind of take us back through some of that.
Justin: Yeah, I mean, Steve, you can probably obviously relate to this a lot better than a lot of other people but for anyone who has ever had anxiety or depression or severe depression, even like what you were saying your suicide watch, they just know it’s the most awful thing that you can experience – ever have. For me, I never got to the point where I actually attempted suicide or anything like that but it was to the point where like every single day I was asking myself what am I even living for? I had nothing going for me. I had no social life, no friends, I’m getting panic attacks two/three times a week, it’s just completely awful. Like, my life is just miserable. And this was like over almost a six-month period where this was happening. So, what really kind of helped me get over these things were a number of different things. If you’d like, I can kind of talk about a few of these things. One of the biggest kind of things that helped me out at least initially was to stop the panic attacks, to stop the anxiety that I was getting, because that’s honestly I think the most crippling thing you could ever have.
Steve: So, talk about that. What did you do?
Mary: Yeah, how did you do that?
Justin: So, the biggest thing that helped me get over the panic attacks was actually stumbled over this book. I think it was called Panic Away where it was just a complete mind shift. It was like an awakening to me. Instead of normally what people do when they start to get like a fear they feel like a panic attack is coming on, they want to run from the fear, they want to hide from it. Instead of running from it and hiding from it, the first thing you want to do when you’re starting to get a panic attack is actually stand your ground. Right? You don’t want to actually try to hide from these feelings or hide from these sensations or emotions. You want to actually stand your ground and recognize that you’re starting to get this panic. And it’s kind of counter-intuitive. You want to actually.
Steve: Just so I’m clear and so that others are clear, when you say “stand your ground” you mean at least recognize and acknowledge the fact that you are in the middle…
Steve: …of a panic attack.
Justin: Exactly. It recognizes that you’re about to have one or you’re in the midst of one and stand your ground, accept it. And then the next step you want to really do is actually full embrace it. So, go with it instead of going against it. Go with it and actually start to recognize more of the feelings and thoughts and sensations that you’re getting. So, you recognize like your sweaty palms, your tightness in your chest, or your heavy breathing, or even maybe you start to shake or whatever. And you start to recognize all of these sensations and feelings and you go with it. And then the final, most important step you want to do to actually end the panic and stop it in its tracks is ask for more of it. So, say someone’s having a panic attack or they’re getting nervous or they’re having anxiety about giving a speech because most people don’t like public speaking or being in front of other people, or even being on a radio show like this, right? People probably get really nervous before coming on the show like this. But, instead of actually having all these thoughts that you’re going to mess up and say something stupid or look like a fool or forget your lines when you’re in front of people in public speaking in running from those thoughts you actually want to actually want for more of them. So, you actually have this dialogue in your own head, like talking to yourself, and you say, “Yeah, give me more of these crazy feelings. Give me more of these feelings of messing up, give me more of this tightness in my chest, these shaking and tremors that I’m getting. Give me all these crazy sensations and give me the worst of it and give me more of it.” And when you ask for more of it, the funny thing is you empower yourself and you take away all of the power that this anxiety is actually causing you. And within a few minutes it actually like subsides and goes away – incredible!
Mary: So, could you pinpoint why you had this happening to you? Panic attacks or anxiety. Was it one thing or is it just a wave that came over you randomly?
Justin: It wasn’t… I don’t think it was one specific thing but… It’s funny because I know Steve’s actually a big marijuana smoker.
Steve: It is true.
Justin: [Laugh] Yeah, but, for me I never really was until end of senior year or whatever I started dabbling around with a couple of people I was hanging out with there, trying to fit in with a few people and I started smoking, and for everyone you react differently – everyone reacts differently to it and it causes all kind of different sensations or feelings in each person differently, and it’s unique. And, for me, I would get anxiety from it randomly. So, one day I was smoking weed and I just go this incredibly bad trip, this bad panic attack and I was like hallucinating and just having like these crazy things going on just from smoking weed. And then ever since that day going forward I had just incredible anxiety all the time and I was getting these panic attacks and it was all really triggered from that experience of experiencing weed. I don’t know why. I can’t really understand it, I can’t explain it, but ever since that day it started happening for me. So, I knew I had to get over it. I knew I had to stop it and keep it from really taking over my life.
Steve: And here’s what I can tell you about that . I mean, first and foremost don’t ever buy weed again from Rich Otey . [Laugh]
Mary: You’re terrible. Don’t even listen to him.
Steve: So, Richard your supplier. You got to find another dealer. [Laugh] That’s first and foremost. Second of all, and just for the record here – for all of you who are saying we need to just absolutely do whatever we can to not legalize marijuana across board recreationally. I will tell you unequivocally that there is no correlation whatsoever between marijuana and panic attacks. That was just a really bad strain. I’ve done a lot of research on this. As a matter of fact, quite the opposite happens when you smoke, and if you don’t know where to get the right stuff, come see me and I’ll make sure I’ll hook you up with the good stuff.
Steve: By the way I don’t know if you heard this or not…
Mary: You just said Kelly Poelker.
Steve: Did I really? I looked dead at you and I said… I’m talking to Kelly over here . I cannot… This is what… Weed does this, like literally my brain cannot do two things at once . I was just looking at the screen…
Mary: Talking to Kelly Poelker on the screen and then you turn around and say that I am Kelly Poelker, which is not a problem. Love you, Kelly.
Steve: Let’s bring Justin back on here. And by the way, if you want to join the conversation, the phone number here is 866-977-2346 and you can hit #1 if you’re listening live. Again, that’s 866-977-2346 and you can hit #1 as we are broadcasting live. Now, before the break we were talking about some panic attacks and all that other fun stuff. Justin, let me ask you a question. I’m curious, because this kind of plays into a little bit of teachers that I’ve been exposed to, but have you ever been to Tony Robbins, Unleash the Power Within?
Steve: No, okay. So, really interesting because obviously Tony’s one of the absolute best as far as the whole personal development stuff goes. I mean, we won’t talk about his philandering, but that’s a whole other story. We’re just talking about his teachings and his ability to help people.
Steve: And basically I’m doing that sort of thing so that Tony Robbins can call in and say, “I am not a philanderer.” He’s such a big dude, like Lurch. The guy’s huge, but I love him. So, what I’m going to hopefully do here is kind of bait him into being on the show so that he can defend himself. But that’s probably not going to work, so I better stop doing that. So, here’s what I learned from Tony that was really interesting. There was a woman – big audience. You get like 2-3-4,000 people at these Unleash the Power Within events and there was a woman there. He asked for who’s feeling really depressed now? Like, who’s feeling really sad, like who is just kind of at the end of their rope, just – this is sort of their last ditch effort to save themselves, that sort of thing. And a woman stood up – you know, it’s a big place so the cameras are going, bring her on the camera and then, of course, she’s showing up on the big screen and everything and Tony asked her, “How are you feeling?” And she’s just really fighting, fighting those tears, and you can just see the tears welling up in her eyes and she starts talking about everything that’s going wrong in her life. And she talks about how sad she is and just doesn’t know what she’s going to do, etc. And, so, what Tony directs her to do is basically let’s talk about the sadness. Kind of like what Justin was saying here in terms of accepting the anxiety attack, the panic and really saying bring it on, bring more of this to me. And it almost… It’s like really interesting because it mitigates it. Because what Tony ended up doing was saying basically, alright, I want you to tell me how sad you are, like…
Mary: Did he bring her up on stage?
Steve: Well, in this case he didn’t. I know he does that with others, but in this case he didn’t and he wanted her to say like in her saddest voice, “I am so sad” and like “I just want to cry”, and literally after repeating this four or five times, she really I think kind of got the… It was just sort of like levity was introduced into the equation and whatever that funk was she could kind of see how she was making that happen and by acknowledging that and by really just sort of digging into it it then became almost laughable. Where it’s like, “I’m so depressed…” And so, like literally, it was sort of that revertish psychology where on the other side she was just – you could see everything shift. It was really interesting. And, so, Justin I think that’s to some extent what you were talking about – in terms of your points there in terms of how to really take on an attack when one hits. Correct?
Justin: Yeah. And actually I can kind of elaborate that a little bit more too, going along with what you said about the Tony Robbins example. I’ve always been the guy whose been scared shitless of rollercoasters, right? And every time I’ve ever gone on one for my whole life I’ve had those butterflies in my stomach and after every single ride I threw up for like the next 20 minutes. Like, I hate them, or I always did hate them. Going along with this kind of theme as I was going through like this transition in my life years back, I was hanging out with this daredevil’s buddy of mine who I had met, and this guy is a nut. He skydives, rides a motorcycle like 200 miles a hour, does wheelies, everything… He’s just a crazy nut guy, right? And I’m with him at Six Flags one day and he’s convincing me to go on like this bizzaro thing, it’s like 300 feet high and has incredible drop and I’m just like the whole time I don’t want to go on, I’m dragging my feet, but this guy is also very persuasive. So, after a few minutes of egging me on, he ends up getting me on the thing and I’m having like a panic attack, and this was like, again, after I got over my panic attacks too, so I was like done with them, but I’m starting to get another one because I’m on this f*cking, crazy rollercoaster. But, yeah, I look over at him and he’s just like going crazy, lifting his hands up, yelling, screaming, swearing, just acting like a complete jackass . I’m like, Dude, what are you doing? We’re going to f*cking die on this thing. Why are you acting like a jackass? And he just kind of looks at me and it’s like Dude, that’s how you enjoy these things, like you have to act like an idiot, you have to put your hands up and yell and scream, and I don’t know why I listened to him. I think it was because I was going through this kind of transformational period in my life or whatever, but I was like, alright, whatever, I’ll give it a shot. So, I put my hands up, I start yelling, I start screaming, I start swearing at the top of my lungs, and then…
Steve: Just so I’m clear this is when you guys are in line waiting for the ride, correct?
Justin: No, this is while we’re sitting in the rollercoaster.
Justin: In line I was just shitting my pants for a half hour waiting for the thing to start. But as we get in the rollercoaster and the thing takes off I started screaming, yelling, putting my hand up, and I actually, like, I’m in the moment for once and as we go up to the peak of the thing and the drop comes down and normally I’d be like throwing up or heaving on the side of the ride, but I actually had my hands up and I’m yelling and swearing and just being a complete fool, but for once in my life I’m actually enjoying the thing. I’m like completely in the moment and after that point too going forward I love rollercoasters now. I know how to ride them. I can go on any rollercoaster in the planet and have a f*cking blast on it because I know how to be in that moment. You have to embrace things. Like, you have to act like a jackass if that’s what it calls for, you have to be like, oh, shit, we’re screwed, we’re going to die on this thing, but oh it’s fun as f*ck and we’re going to yell and laugh and scream. And that’s how you actually enjoy things like that and that’s how you overcome fear.
Steve: Justin, just so I’m clear here. We have a three-swear… [Laugh] You can swear, but it’s only three times. I guess I didn’t make that clear. All good, man, but I totally get it. By the way, Mary, did I ever tell you the story how I saved a kid’s life at Six Flags?
Steve: Totally saved a kid’s life. So, we were in line, at a rollercoaster, literally just in the line, kind of going through the weavy weavy thing and we get up towards the top. And you know how like when you go to the rollercoaster area and they’ve got these little line things and you line up and then you basically get in the car and then you do your thing. But if the car’s not there, it’s kind of like a huge drop down, right?
Steve: It’s like four or five, six feet down whatever it might be. So, for some God-forsaken reason this woman brings like her like 3-year-old. So, the 3-year-old, of course, is losing his mind because we’re in line for like an hour and by the time we get up there he’s just like ballistically toast, right. Just as out of his head as he could possibly be. Somehow he squirms out of her hands and like he is just on a – he’s just like got a beeline right towards where the car should be but, of course, the car isn’t there because everybody’s waiting for the next set of cars to come in. He makes a beeline straight for that canyon. And I’m looking. It’s kind of like that slow motion thing. This is where I became an elite man, by the way, in this moment when I became an elite man because in that moment like literally I looked around and it’s like nobody saw this kid running, literally, straight – and there was a car coming back into the station. So, he’s running straight for this canyon and I just kind of like Holy Mother of God and I go after him and I literally grab him by the back of his shirt. And he’s a little kid, but, no, he was already over the edge when I grabbed him and pulled him back up and the line of cars came in about two or three seconds after that.
Mary: You’re a hero.
Steve: I’m a hero.
Mary: Your adrenalin must have been going crazy.
Steve: Oh my God. And so I handed the kid back basically to the parents – it’s like, you should probably watch this just for future reference. She didn’t even say thank you.
Mary: Was she in shock?
Rich: How long ago was this?
Steve: This was about four, five, six years ago. Didn’t even say thank you.
Steve: Unreal. So, I digress. Kind of strange how that works. But it’s a really interesting story around rollercoasters and I get that. Do you ride rollercoasters, Mary, by the way?
Mary: So, when I was younger I loved rollercoasters, but here’s what I did. Took my daughters to the Delmar Fair, which is now the San Diego whatever – Delmar Fair, went on the Ferris wheel, stopped at the very top…
Mary: …I had a panic attack. My daughters were probably – this was like four or five years ago, so they were seven and nine. They both held my hand and I literally was freaking out, crying, sweating, I could not look at the park, I had to look at the water. I mean I was like never, ever again.
Steve: Right. And you would think that a Ferris wheel is pretty much like innocuous, it wouldn’t be a big deal, but that’s…
Mary: The stupid thing stopped at the top. I don’t know… And this never happened to me before, so I don’t know if it’s maybe in your experience, Justin, is it life’s experiences? What brings this crap on. I don’t know.
Steve: Yeah, it’s interesting.
Justin: I would say that that’s pretty normal to get a panic attack if you get stopped at the top of a Ferris wheel or something like that, but I mean just any other panic attacks, it’s really not normal. I think after kind of doing my own little research, I think it’s sort of brought on over the years, just slowly. I think it’s stress that builds up over the years and I think it just kind of comes on gradually until one day it’s like you’re overburdened with some particular – whatever it is, some particular thing, and then it comes out in the form of a panic attack, like the most severe part of stress there is.
Steve: Interesting. Let’s do this. After the break, we’re going to bring you back on, Justin, and I want to talk about probably what you came on to the show to talk about which is your book, Giving Shy Guy’s Game, and we’re going to talk about everything that it entails…
Mary: That’s a good title.
Steve: It is, right? So, everything that entails being an elite man. So, after the break we’re going to give Justin a chance to actually talk about his book, Giving Shy Guy’s Game, and we’re going to talk about what it takes to be an elite man right after this on Reinvention Radio.
Steve: Welcome back to Reinvention Radio. And a really interesting conversation here with Justin Stenstrom of EliteManMagazine.com and Elite Man Podcast. By the way we had a pretty interesting show on the last one if you missed that one, that was Reinventing Inmates or whatever we’re going to call it here, but on Facebook Dean (Structchen 38:56) said he had a comment about basically Mike coming out and Dean’s question was if he was black would he have had the same opportunities just saying that the recent research found that it’s easier for a white high school dropout with a criminal record to get a job than a black man with a college degree. But that is New York, maybe it’s better somewhere else, but I wouldn’t bet on it. Interesting. A lot of interesting feedback there. And that’s a discussion we can definitely have I’m sure time and time again because that’s just the nature of the country we live in. So, let’s bring Justin back on here, and Justin I want to give you a chance to talk a little bit about your Giving Shy Guy’s Game book which is by the way, it’s a great title. And we just bought a copy for Wade by the way, so Wade now has a copy. But what is Giving Shy Guy’s Game…
Mary: [Laugh] The one thing you might want to put a piece of paper over the cover because you want to walk around with that book I’m a shy guy with no game.
Steve: We’re going to give him the e-book, so he could read it on his phone. So, what is Giving Shy Guy’s Game? I mean I can kind of guess what it is, but give us an overview.
Mary: Take notes, guys.
Justin: Just like in the title you can kind of guess. It’s a dating book for men who are not adept with getting, meeting, approaching, attracting and ultimately dating women. So, it’s pretty much a step-by-step guide, go over all sorts of things from approaching, to texting, to building comfort and attraction and each chapter is like its own little section and like and different aspect of like game or like dating. I like giving game is kind of the catchier term than just dating, so I kind of went with that.
Steve: Just so I’m clear. I’m 45 years old, I’ll be 46 this year, and I have no clue about all this. I miss like all the good stuff. I mean, really, my timing sucks. Because like this whole Tinder thing, I mean like literally like just swipe, swipe, swipe – that’s what I understand. I’ve never actually seen it, but Rich, I’m going to use your account later if you don’t mind. But here’s what I’m trying to guess. Do shy guys even need game nowadays? Can’t they just put a picture of their pecker on there or something like that…
Mary: Oh, geez.
Steve: Like, here it is – because isn’t that what the… That’s what it’s like all about anyway now, right? It’s a hookup thing. So, do guys – do they even need game now or do they just need like a really good picture?
Justin: They need it now more than ever I think because it’s so competitive out there. Literally, like you think everybody’s on Tinder, everybody’s on Facebook, everybody’s on Twitter. It’s nothing but… Women getting bombarded all day long with guys sending messages whether it’s their pecker or their chest or something, they’re getting messages all day long from…
Steve: The look on Mary’s face is priceless right now, Justin. She’s wondering like I’m just going to get an account just so I can see peckers, like all day long… She’s like, why didn’t I get an account?
Richard: Now, he’s throwing you under the bus now too, Mary. It’s alright, equal rights.
Steve: So, they have to have this game because it is so competitive you were saying.
Justin: Yeah, you have to know what a woman wants. You have to know what attracts a woman. Believe it or not women aren’t attracted to peckers whether they look nice or whether they don’t know nice. They’re not going to go out on a date because a guy sends them a nudie pic or anything like that.
Mary: No, we are not! Oh my gosh!
Justin: You need to know how to build comfort and build attraction with them. So, it’s all about what you say, how you say it, how you set it up, the confidence that you have when you say things, and it really is like a system that you have to learn. There’s a lot of technique to it. It’s not just randomly messaging girls and sending them pictures.
Mary: Okay, so you’re 24, and this is… What is with these young kids?
Steve: They got game. That’s the thing. They’re learning a lot earlier as to what’s going on in society now. Think about it, though.
Mary: We’re toast.
Steve: We’re totally. We’re done. But think about it in terms of when kids become sexually active. I’m sorry, Portia. Portia is not listening to this, but like literally, we’re talking like junior high type stuff. So, by the time Justin is 24 I mean some of his friends – I don’t know Justin when you lost it, but some of his friends could have lost their virginity 10 years ago already, so going through sort of this whole game of how do you talk to girls and what not. So, Justin is probably just as qualified as a lot of folks because he’s been doing it for a while.
Steve: So, you can’t discredit. I know, it’s mind blowing. And, so, talk to us about the Elite Man Magazine. Is that actually a physical print magazine?
Justin: No. It’s just an online magazine. So, it’s a website with the title magazine in it and like the theme of it is set up in magazine form. But, yeah, like I mentioned earlier it’s all sorts of different topics. Dating is definitely covered on there, social skills, business, entrepreneurship. They have guys like Jordan Harbinger, Michael Port, John Romanello Fitness coming on there, Rich Franklin, UFC guys, all sorts of different awesome guys coming on the Podcast and the website contributing their best advice in whatever particular field it is. And, yeah, just to kind of go back on that point really quick. I didn’t have any real dating life at all until after I was 18, so to learn these things I really just threw myself in sort of the fire and I approached all sorts of women, had a lot of failure. But along the way, like from 18 to where I am now I hooked up with a lot of girls. I had a lot of success with girls, had a lot of dates, a lot of failures but a lot of success, and so it was just until the last few years that I really got good with this stuff. So, it wasn’t actually like when I was 14-15 or anything like that.
Mary: And it shouldn’t be.
Steve: It shouldn’t be, but let’s be realistic.
Mary: Emotionally, you’re not equipped.
Justin: It is. But if you know what you’re doing – there are 14 year olds out there who are having sex whether you like it or not. I mean, it’s just the day and age that we live in it’s getting more and more younger and people. Like the Internet. We have this resource like the Internet. It’s getting more and more easier to just connect with people, like Facebook or Twitter or even Tinder, I’m sure there are younger people on there even though I think it’s an 18-year minimum. I’m sure there are younger people on there doing that.
Steve: I mean, there’s no gating at all. You can go to youporn or whatever it is and you can get that stuff right then and there. All your buddy has got to tell you hey check out this site. There’s no gating, there’s nothing, it’s just all there in front of you. Or you can go to XNX.com or you could go to hamster.com, or you can go to.
Mary: Hey, got it, alright, thanks, okay…
Rich: But first stop by liquor.com…
Steve: And stop by liquor.com, exactly. So, Justin, it sounds like you’ve had some amazing people on the podcast and obviously featured in the magazine and I was just on break here, I was checking my inbox and I didn’t actually see the invitation come in yet. So, did that just get lost in sort of the email land? It’s coming, right?
Justin: No. It’s in there. You’ve just got to keep digging. If you can’t find it, I’ll send you another one.
Steve: It probably ended up in the spam folder along with everything else there.
Mary: So, when is your book coming out?
Justin: The book’s out. Giving Shy Guys Game is out. Actually I have another book about specifically approaching women coming out in the next couple of weeks. And ultimately I do want to come out – in the next probably few months I’m going to write another book becoming an elite… I haven’t figured out the title or whatever yet, but I want to have a book that kind of encompasses everything, not just the dating aspect, the social aspect. I want to have business, networking, blogging, social skills, everything all in one. So, it’s going to be more of like the elite man theme for the next book.
Steve: Love it. It sounds a little bit like what Jordan’s doing over at the Art of Charm and, of course, he’s been crushing it and I love the work he’s doing and it sounds like you’re doing some awesome work as well. So, we’ll definitely send people over to EliteManMagazine.com and check out the Elite Man Podcast with Justin Stenstrom when you have a chance. So, Mary, this has been a good show for you.
Steve: I’m trying to think back on a show where you’ve actually been redder than how you were today. That’s about as red as I’ve ever seen you.
Mary: Yes, because I could feel the heat on my face.
Steve: And it wasn’t just the new lighting that we have here in the studio and we’re sitting next to Rich. We’re going to figure this whole BLAB thing out, but thanks to those. It’s been pretty interesting…
Mary: Oh my gosh!
Steve: …we had over 120 people join us. We’re just about at 100 people here. And, of course, I mean, look, it’s a process and we’re going to get there and we’re going to figure out this technology…
Mary: It’s awesome!
Steve: …and continue to broadcast on BLAB…
Mary: Well, taking into consideration BLAB is still in the beta phase.
Steve: It’s still in beta phase, exactly.
Mary: As we are as well.
Steve: As we are as well. [Laugh] I don’t know if I’ve ever gotten out of beta phase. Technically, I think I’m still an alpha phase. But good quality fun here on Reinvention Radio. And we’ve got some really interesting guests coming up. So, if you haven’t had a chance to listen to any of the past podcasts obviously please do and keep staying tuned here every Thursday we broadcast live from 12 to 2 Pacific here on Reinvention Radio and if you subscribe, if you rate it, if you’ve reviewed on the podcast and iTunes or (inaudible 48:00), thank you so much for doing that. And we will talk to you next time on Reinvention Radio.
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